1-2-3 Magic is, well, Magic!

I have to say I am incredibly impressed with the 1-2-3 Magic technique for dealing with shall we call it annoying behaviour (whining, tantruming, arguing etc). The first day I started, Madison got 4 counts (each count going up to 3, giving the child 2 counts to stop the behaviour and on 3 the consequence is given). The first two "counts" she got to 3 so she got time-outs. The last two she stopped when I counted to 2 (so no need for a consequence). So, it is working! The funny thing was, when she started to whine, say "no" and was about to tantrum when I wouldn't let her drink my coffee, Emma said "Maddie, that's 1!" Poor Maddie now has her mummy and her sister counting her! I cannot complain about either of my girls, because in spite of Maddie and Emma's "feistiness" at times, they are both well-behaved kids. Emma hasn't been counted at all since we started, although I imagine her time will come!

Emma has been a bit off the last couple of days. I have asked her if she feels ok or if she feels sick. She says "I ok." Then a couple of days ago she said "mama, I want ice cream, that make me feel better." Ha ha. Nice try kid! We went to Whittamore's Farm on Saturday with our friends and their twin boys. The kids had a great time, they rode the wagon, played in a tree fort with a slide, jumped in a bouncing castle, built sand catles, rode tractors and chose fresh fruit and sweet corn. The following day, our friends Yenny and Steve came over with their 3-month-old baby Aiden. Aiden was sleeping in his infant carrier and when he woke up, my girls went and got every "boy" type toy that we own, and put it in his carrier. So poor Aiden, who is sitting quietly in his carseat, is burried in cars, trucks and trains! I asked why the girls were giving him the trains and trucks and Emma replied "cause he likes dem." Maddie kept patting him on the head and giving him his soother, even when he didn't want it.

Speaking of soothers, I brought up the subject of the girls giving theirs up the other day. Emma was looking for her soother and I said "one day soon, we are going to say bye-bye to soosie." She got very concerned and started frantically looking for it. I told them they were big girls, and big girls don't need soosie's. I then named all of the big kids they know and said that they don't use soothers (Tynen, Zoe, Lily, Kyle, Lee etc). Emma said "but I like soosie, I like it in my mouf." I didn't intend on taking them away at this point, I was just testing the waters to see what reaction I got. The goal is to get them off their bottles first which I think we will be stopping cold turkey in Sept. Yikes! My babies are growing up! They are at a funny stage, where there are so many things they want to do or that they can do but couldn't before, so they call themselves big girls. But when they want to be pampered and catered to, or they want us to do something for them, they will say "but mama, I'm your baby!" Works like a charm! I am a sucker for my babies!

Yesterday we went to a friend's house for a bbq and there were a ton of people there. Emma walked in and went right up to strangers and shook their hands! The grandma, who is the head of the family, said she was very impressed with how well behaved the girls were. Maddie was shy, but very polite. They both said "yes please" and "thank-you" throughout the night. When we were in the backyard I was spinning them around, taking turns with each daugther. After a few minutes I was tired, so I gave them a "last one" warning. They both said "again" and I said "no, mummy said last one, I am tired" and that was it. Not one of them fussed or whined about it. They just sat down on the picnic blanket with me and Maddie offered to feed me! I must have looked as tired as I felt! lol

Why can't kids come with instruction manuals?

Let me start by saying I haven't posted in awhile due to computer problems! Rogers is currently working on a trouble ticket as our internet connection is wonky to say the least. Many times I would post and then lose everything I had written. In order to save myself the frustration I just took a break. It seems to be ok today so far, we shall see...

Today's topic is discipline! Last night in the span of a half hour, both girls received time-outs. Emma hit me as she didn't like the fact that I told her no, she couldn't have a cookie 15 minutes before dinner. So off to time-out she went. After her 2.5 minutes on the time-out step, I asked her to appologize as she had hurt my feelings and I didn't like being hit as hitting is wrong. She refused so I told her she has to stay on the time-out step until she says sorry. I don't know how many minutes went by but she finally said - correction, she muttered "sowwy" through gritted teeth. My instincts told me something wasn't right, I thought to myself "why am I forcing her to say a sorry that she doesn't mean?" I pushed the thought away and a few minutes later John sent Maddie to time-out for throwing toys on the floor after he asked her not to. He kept her in time-out until she picked them up, which she didn't. So I went to my trusted parenting boards and asked what we should have done, as the forced, empty apology seemed, well, stupid in my opinion. I felt that I was teaching her it's ok to say something you don't mean as long as it gets you what you want, in this case, out of time-out. My dilemma is that I want to raise kind, compassionate and empathetic kids, but I don't want to force them to apologize if they don't mean it, the same as I don't want to force them to hug and kiss someone they don't want to, regardless of how cute it is. So, a few women on the "boards" (the parenting boards) who I really respect (I have been on these boards regularly for 2+ years) recommended a book called 1-2-3 Magic. I picked it up today and have already read most of it. It's brilliant and makes so much sense. The first thing that made me laugh, is they say to take the talking, reasoning and the emotion out of things when disciplining. I can't tell you how many lectures I have given my two-year-olds. The book calls this treating kids like little adults. As in after telling Emma that hitting hurt me feelings, and it's wrong to hit etc etc she would turn to me and say "gosh mom, I never thought about it that way thanks, it will never happen again." Not going to happen! And, when parents get emotional or angry, it just fuels the behaviour. Kids want to feel powerful since they are powerless in so many aspects of their lives, and getting a reaction from us does just that. Anyway, the discipline technique described in the book is very reasonable and involves a warning system, much like one I use in my classroom. I will read the rest of the book tonight and start applying it tomorrow.

Maddie is giving us the hardest time lately. She is stubborn, defiant and throws regular tantrums. Emma is a little less challenging at this stage and oddly enough, you can reason with her to a certain point. The book says if the reasoning works I can continue, but when it stops working, there is no point in reasoning as it just turns into arguements especially as they get older. I'll keep you posted, especially those of you who are new parents, because kids don't come with manuals!!!

Wonderful Weekend Away

We are back from an amazing trip to Niagara Falls with our friends Elaine and Steve and their twin boys, Kyle and Lee (who just turned 3). We got to Niagara Saturday at noon and headed straight to the indoor water park. The kids had a blast! They went from the water slides to the splash pad to the wave pool. Our girls wanted to spend most of the time in the wave pool. The problem was, they thought they could swim and kept wanting to walk on their own. It got to the point that Madison was being so stubborn about it that I let her walk out on her own (I followed right behind, her, but walking on her own meant not holding my hand), thinking that once she swallowed water she would be deterred by that and hold my hand again. Even after getting her head dunked under water by the waves and deeper water this girl didn't want to hold my hand! So we had a few tantrums from her, but she soon learned she had to hold my hand or else we would leave the water park. She didn't understand that she had to be with us because it isn't safe for her to be in the deep water by herself. Anyway, other than that it was a great time. The kids didn't nap that day but they were all fine. Emma and Maddie slept in a bed for the first time and it went over well. Emma went right in and didn't bat an eye. Maddie cried for about 5 minutes but she was so tired that she went to sleep. We slept in another bed but in the same room and the girls were so cute in the morning when they woke up. I heard them talking to each other and I popped my head up and waved at them and Maddie said "mummy, you in here! Mummy, you seep with us!" And she laughed and laughed. She thought it was very funny!

Day 2 we got up, had breakfast and went to Marineland. The girls were so excited about all the things to do. We saw two shows; killer whales and dolphins. They went on rides, they fed fish and we had a picnic lunch. Madison loved the shows the best. She giggled each time the animals would flip or do a trick. She would scream (a good one) first and then laugh and say "dolhpin upside down. Dolphin funny!" The people sitting around us couldn't help but look at her and a few people commented on how they found her just as entertaining as the show. One older lady said "your daughter is delighful." Emma enjoyed the show but she was much more serious. You could see by her face that she was really concentrating on what they were doing. She didn't take her eyes away for a second. They loved the rides even though I was worried that they would get on them and then start crying! We were able to go on with them, but they were in their separate seats. They went on boats that went around and up and down, they went on rocket ships that went up in the air and spun around, and we went on a ferris wheel. Emma was really funny because everytime I took her on a ride she would be calling out to everyone and telling them what she was doing and where she was. When we were on the ferris wheel (Maddie rode with Elaine and Kyle) John was staying with the strollers, and each time we would pass him Emma would squeal "Dad, I over here, I on ferris wheel!" It was a great day with very few meltdowns considering all the activity.

We got back yesterday after visiting the Falls in the morning and Emma can't stop talking about the dolphins and whales. I asked her what she wanted to eat for dinner and she said "I want go back to see dolphins and whales." It was a great trip and we will definately be going back there!

Providing Comfort

There is not much worse than being woken in the middle night by your child who is letting out a blood-curdling wail of "mummy, mummy!" This was Emma last night at 1;00 a.m. I lept out of bed to run to her room. It was tricky because I didn't want to risk waking Maddie, in case Maddie thought it was a big party. Their room is very dark, to ensure they don't wake up with the sunlight at the crack of dawn. So I opened their door very quietly, got down on all foors and crawled across to Emma's crib. I grabbed her out of it, fumbled around for her blanket and soother (never found the soother) and made a mad dash for the door! I brought her the loveseat in our upstairs nook and soothed her. She was sound asleep within minutes and I relished in our cuddle times. I rocked her a bit and transfered her back into her crib, where she slept soundly until 8 a.m. the next morning. I loved the fact that I was able to comfort her and I hope that as my baby girls get older, my smell, the sound of my voice or my arms wrapped around them in a hug will always provide them some comfort.

Madison's Final NICU appointment

Today was Maddie's fourth and final appointment through the NICU. I took her while John stayed home with Emma and we had a great morning. She did everything she was expected to do and more. It is quite intimidating for her with a team of 5 doctor's evaluating her and expecting her to perform. She threw the ball, kicked the ball, jumped, stacked blocks, put pegs in their slots, opened a twist cap, drew a horizontal and vertical line, identified objects etc. etc. The only time she balked was when they tried to measure her height. She didn't want to stand against the growth chart by the wall, even with me there next to her. It was quite strange and she threw a bit of a tantrum, but nothing crazy and it ended quickly. She got a certificate for "graduating" from the NICU follow-up appointments. Her speech is leaps and bounds ahead of where she needs to be, and I got some good tips to continue to help her with plurals and 3-syllable words. So this was all great news, but the best part of it was on the way home. She kept saying" see Emma now?" and I said "yes, we are going home to see Emma now." We got home and she ran in and Emma and John were not there. Madison then ran to every room in the house calling "Emma, where Emma?" looking quite worried. I went to the car to get my phone to find out where they were (they were at the park) and I heard John and Emma through the garage door. I came in through the mud room just in time to hear John's keys jiggle in the lock. Maddie heard them too and she ran to the door squealing "Emma, Emma, Emma!" When Emma came in the house she squealed "Maddie, Maddie" and they must have hugged and kissed each other over ten times throughout the next few minutes. It was the cutest thing ever. I asked Emma if she missed Maddie and she said "yes, lot's." Separating them is really good for them, and it's recommended that John and I spend one-on-one time with each kid. So this weekend I will spend time with Emma and John will be with Maddie. It's nice to be with them on an individual basis and Maddie talks a lot more! Now the girls are napping and we are heading to the splash pad when they wake up. It is very hot out so it's a great way to cool off!

Woken with a start

I woke up this morning at 9 and almost had a heart attack because I was sure the girls had been kidnapped, or I had slept so deeply that I hadn't heard them wake up and they were wailing in their cribs. How else would you explain them sleeping 14 hours? Unheard of. I lept out of bed and pressed my ear to their door. I heard nothing. I was about to go in (sure I would find empty cribs and have to call 911) when I heard Miss Emma's cute little voice say "Maddie, I wake up." I then heard rustling and Maddie said "where your Princess?" Phew. They were awake and ok and already wondering where their latest favourite toy (these tiny Princess dolls) went. Sure enough when I went in Emma was clutching her Ariel doll and Madison was saying "oh no, cinde-lella on floor!"

We had a nice chat to grandma and grandpa over Skype today. Maddie kept repeating that she has a "basket" (Snow White's basket). I love how she repeats new things over and over. I also love how she talks in the third person. She will say "Madison fall down" or "where Madison doll?" Whereas Emma will say "where mine" or "I fall down." It will be interesting to see when Maddie makes the transition. She is speaking a lot more and a lot more clearly. She now calls herself Madison instead of Addison.

The girls are now napping and when they wake up we will play in the yard with sprinklers and water toys. They love their new Dora watering cans and want to "help" water my flower pots every second of the day! I say "help" because I don't think any water actually gets into the pots when they do it, but my front porch gets a good soak!

First Day Without the Girls

So I dropped the girls off at their summer daycare today. John was with me and it went very smoothly. I am sending them there 2 days a week. Val, their caregiver, is a natural. She has 5 kids there total, and her son, Griffen is quite smitten with the girls. She e-mailed me an update on how the day was going (including pictures) and said that Griffen as been sharing his most coveted toys with them. Val has two cats, so the girls are elated about that. After dropping them off I went to the mall, did some errands, went for a run, showered, cleaned up a bit, had lunch all before 1:00 pm. It was funny because when I was upstairs, I was creeping around and when loud trucks would go by I would frown but then I remembered that the girls weren't in their rooms napping! I didn't need to rush around as I had all day to get things done! Now I hope when the girls read this they won't take it the wrong way, but this has been the longest time I have had to myself since the day before they were born and it has been quite nice. An hour after I dropped them off I started to miss them though and all day I have been wondering how they are and what they are doing, but it was nice to go to the mall without having to strap two kids into their carseats, then take two kids out, then put them in their strollers etc etc. So I am appreciating the little things. Those who know me know that I have a ton of energy (perhaps even adult ADD since I am constantly doing a gazillion different things - I can't even sit still to watch an hour-long show. Ask John, I drive him nuts)! Anyway, I have a ton of energy and now I am sitting on the couch wondering what to do with myself on the days they are in daycare! Don't worry, I will figure it out and I might even nap once before the summer is over. But I do miss running around and playing with my little ones. I am off to pick them up. Can't wait to see them!