Why can't kids come with instruction manuals?

Let me start by saying I haven't posted in awhile due to computer problems! Rogers is currently working on a trouble ticket as our internet connection is wonky to say the least. Many times I would post and then lose everything I had written. In order to save myself the frustration I just took a break. It seems to be ok today so far, we shall see...

Today's topic is discipline! Last night in the span of a half hour, both girls received time-outs. Emma hit me as she didn't like the fact that I told her no, she couldn't have a cookie 15 minutes before dinner. So off to time-out she went. After her 2.5 minutes on the time-out step, I asked her to appologize as she had hurt my feelings and I didn't like being hit as hitting is wrong. She refused so I told her she has to stay on the time-out step until she says sorry. I don't know how many minutes went by but she finally said - correction, she muttered "sowwy" through gritted teeth. My instincts told me something wasn't right, I thought to myself "why am I forcing her to say a sorry that she doesn't mean?" I pushed the thought away and a few minutes later John sent Maddie to time-out for throwing toys on the floor after he asked her not to. He kept her in time-out until she picked them up, which she didn't. So I went to my trusted parenting boards and asked what we should have done, as the forced, empty apology seemed, well, stupid in my opinion. I felt that I was teaching her it's ok to say something you don't mean as long as it gets you what you want, in this case, out of time-out. My dilemma is that I want to raise kind, compassionate and empathetic kids, but I don't want to force them to apologize if they don't mean it, the same as I don't want to force them to hug and kiss someone they don't want to, regardless of how cute it is. So, a few women on the "boards" (the parenting boards) who I really respect (I have been on these boards regularly for 2+ years) recommended a book called 1-2-3 Magic. I picked it up today and have already read most of it. It's brilliant and makes so much sense. The first thing that made me laugh, is they say to take the talking, reasoning and the emotion out of things when disciplining. I can't tell you how many lectures I have given my two-year-olds. The book calls this treating kids like little adults. As in after telling Emma that hitting hurt me feelings, and it's wrong to hit etc etc she would turn to me and say "gosh mom, I never thought about it that way thanks, it will never happen again." Not going to happen! And, when parents get emotional or angry, it just fuels the behaviour. Kids want to feel powerful since they are powerless in so many aspects of their lives, and getting a reaction from us does just that. Anyway, the discipline technique described in the book is very reasonable and involves a warning system, much like one I use in my classroom. I will read the rest of the book tonight and start applying it tomorrow.

Maddie is giving us the hardest time lately. She is stubborn, defiant and throws regular tantrums. Emma is a little less challenging at this stage and oddly enough, you can reason with her to a certain point. The book says if the reasoning works I can continue, but when it stops working, there is no point in reasoning as it just turns into arguements especially as they get older. I'll keep you posted, especially those of you who are new parents, because kids don't come with manuals!!!